The Big O!

I had sex for the first time when I was 17.

It was with a stable partner. We started around 3 months into the relationship. Honestly, I wanted to wait longer. And honestly, it was not that good.

We continued to have sex and maybe a year passed or whatever. I liked having sex. Not as often as he did, but I liked it.

Then suddenly I realized I was sick of it. I did NOT want to do it. We graduated from high school, went to college and I realize what it is.

He was the only one to ever finish.

Yeah.

I never had “the big O.” (Well at least not during sex.)

When I told him this, he was very apologetic. Obviously he was not spending enough time on me as I was on him blah, blah, blah. But something else was off...hmmm… what was it?

OH YEAH. I was faking my orgasms in order to turn him on.

WHY DID I EVER DO THIS?!

I see now that my only perception of sex was whatever I saw on TV, in movies and from porn (yes I’ve seen porn).

That sex isn’t real!

As Jessica Valenti describes in “Pop Culture Gone Wild,” many girls grow up with a pornographic idea of sex and as women they “put on a show” in order to please the men. This often causes the women to lack in pleasure as can be seen in my case. I imitated fake sex. I put my own pleasure aside to please him and to perform in a way I thought was right.

You’ll be happy to know that since this realization, I’ve had the big O. Many a times. But that’s not the point. The point is that I have learned to take control of my sexuality and how I view my body. I encourage you to do the same.