Desire makes us bad, that is unless you are a heterosexual Man!

As I was reading the essay Doing Desire, I became overtly aware of the insufficiencies women face while dealing with their sexual expression, desire and sexual preference. As presented in through the narratives of the young girls, women are deemed as whores or sluts if they let go of their sexual desire. However men have sex they are seen as cool when they have another sexual conquest. They are awarded and praised for their actions. I think it is important to explore the actual reasons of these beliefs. I think that because since women were seen as property and practically objects of a man’s possession their sexuality became theirs to rule. Also another component to this is because of their supposed “nature”. “Men are supposed to be naturally sexual aggressive, its in their nature.” If women were not ostracized because of their sexual activity I bet it would be in their “nature” as well. It is hard, if not nearly impossible to explore your sexuality when it is always being put in the dark. As a woman I too felt conflicted on exploring sex and the pleasures that I receive from it. Shame, guilt, being dirty you name it!

Another point touched by Deborah Tolman is the absence of sexual diversity in our society. The two girls in the article that declared themselves as bisexual and lesbian respectably had a hard time articulating their desire for women. Their confusion is a result of the heterosexual society we live in. In the media we are bombarded with overly sexualized images on heterosexual couples. In a park seeing a man and a woman kiss is not seen as obscene or dirty, however two man displaying their affections for each other will cause observers to watch or even feel upset. It must be especially hard for adolescents who are trying to discover their attraction for a person of the opposite sex when society is telling you that the best way is the heterosexual way.