Violence No More

Carol Gilligan’s essay “Images of Relationships” reminded me of Kimmel’s essay “What Are Little Boy’s Made of?” Just to recap, Kimmel’s essay is about the problem of violence that many boys engage in. Kimmel had many critics that made excuses for this violence, but the fact of the matter is that no matter where the origin of the violence comes from, it is still a problem. This issue correlates with Gilligan in her findings that men associate any type of interaction or relationship with violence. It is a troublesome thought to think that men (of course this does not apply to all men) go into a relationship with a sense of danger. In fact, from this reading, I got the sense that men and women are polar opposites and I wonder how relationships can be successful when both sexes are on two different mindsets. But why do men feel that they have to be on the defense? Some may say that it is a way to have control, especially when it comes to domestic violence. However, this question can only be answered by a man himself, and since I am a female, I probably cannot give an accurate answer. So what about women? Why do many women continue to tolerate the violence? A good example of this is would be the incident a few years back between Chris Brown and Rihanna. Obviously as everyone may know, Chris Brown physically assaulted Rihanna in a very violent manner. This was not the first incident that he was abusive towards her and she stayed with him all of those times. The incident that became public she finally decided to leave. But I think the only reason she left was because of pressure from the public. She was being told that she was a role model and girls looked up to her and it would be a bad message to send if she went back to him. Even though she did leave him, what made her stay with him all of those other times that he was violent with her? According to Gilligan, the problem with women is isolation and being alone. Having someone, who beats you and becomes upset with you, is better than having no one at all. Women need to get this mindset out of their heads. In a way, women need to adapt some of the viewpoints of men, just enough so they realize that they can be in control of their situation and not be in the hands (or fists) of a man. Once women realize that being alone is not a place of danger, they can stop falling victim to the violence.